I’m writing this as I’m reminescent of the past, it’s probably going to be irrational and filled with errors but I don’t care.
I recently checked on a game1 I used to play a few years ago hoping to find someone I lost contact with. I don’t think it’ll go anywhere but I still checked and I talked to someone by chance, really. It made me feel quite reminescent. I am slowly remembering certain pieces of those chaotic years.
I can’t shake this feeling that I’ll look back on now in the same way I look at back then. I hate it, I didn’t want to loose these people, these memories. I hate it so much, I feel powerless to time, to my own idiocy, to my own recklessness. Why didn’t I keep contact with them? Am I doomed to loose everything I know now to time? Were these friendships really meaningless? Who was I? Was I a good friend? Were they?
These thoughts themselves will most likely vanish to time too unless I write them down. Is this me waking up from a slumber and being rational or is this just a mental breakdown? I don’t know. Who can tell?
I miss you my friends. Am I insane for trying to find you on the internet? For messaging this phone number I had saved a long time when we were closer? Am I being creepy by doing that? I probably sound insane or maybe you can relate. I don’t know you. Heck, you probably don’t know this past of mine, it’s not a story I’ve told.
I miss these delusions of grandeur where I thought I could accomplish everything I was thinking about, when I believed the world would just listen. That was foolish, true but I liked them. I was an idealist to the core, is that still what I am? I don’t know, I feel tainted.
These names I see and feel a familiarity to, did I actually know them or is it just deja vu? I don’t know. Curse my memory. Curse my powerlessness. Curse my foolishness. I am sorry to you all that I have lost to the ennemy that is time.
I miss these names, these people I knew. RyeRye519, KawaiiJilly, xChels, Kevino, Deaquez, amanduhh, XxSamanthaxX, LARREH, Kissabunni, Skayfi, michelle395, bouboule and Darnakun0 from Growtopia, Odd and Bella from Palringo, those who I knew on Plag and many many more from other places that I can’t even remember.
It’s time for me to be this idealist again. I will find you all, I promise that time won’t seperate us. I’m just saying lies to sound cool… aren’t I? Sorry… I don’t think I can find you. I am so sorry that I lost you.
I hope to find you. For those who are still beside me, please hold me close.